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Weight loss and the Ego/Inner Child

By Jelaila Starr     5/16/02

Losing weight is a funny thing and a great mystery to so many of us.  What makes us lose weight?  What makes us gain weight?  It seems that there are as many answers and there are people.  Throughout this article I wish to share with you a perspective that has allowed me to lose weight and a bit of the journey that led me to it.  It’s multidimensional so be prepared to have a few beliefs shattered as that seems to be the case when we step outside the “box” and look at things from a higher perspective or “bigger picture.”  But, as always, use discernment and if anything I write doesn’t resonate for you please feel free to toss it.

For most of my life I was one of those fortunate people who didn’t have to be concerned with my weight. I could eat a pint of ice cream for breakfast and not gain an ounce.  This changed once I embarked on the Spiritual Path in 1994.  At first it was just a 3-5 pound fluctuation but then it increased once I got serious about spiritual growth and in 1996 began conscious emotional clearing in order to ascend.  A couple of years later I met and married my lifemate Jonathan.  From that point on the weight increased until I had gained nearly 30 pounds.  For me this was tragic as it triggered all my childhood fears of being scorned and ridiculed as my mother had been.  I tried dieting using a high protein/low carbohydrate diet, the water diet where you drink half your weight in ounces of water each day and a few others.  Each time I lost a few pounds but quickly regained them once I got off the diet. 

I tried exercising but within a couple of days would pull a muscle.  I tried yoga doing 90 minutes of Bikram’s yoga in a 105 degree room for 90 minutes 4 times a week.   The first time I walked into the studio and felt the intense heat I thought, “Oh my god, I must be insane!  The weight isn’t worth this kind of abuse.”  Yet I persevered and it helped more than anything and really toned my muscles, but I found I just couldn’t keep it up 4 times a week.  I wasn’t emotionally ready for it.  Each thing I tried helped a little but once I stopped it the weight returned. 

I consulted my guides several times over the years about this issue and each time they would say that weight has nothing to do with what I ate and everything to do with my emotions. “Okay,” I asked myself, “What does that mean?”  They have a penchant for giving me a higher dimensional answer and then watching as I work to figure it out. Sometimes I think they enjoy it too much.  Anyway, using the multidimensional principles they had taught me I theorized that it meant that I must find value in the additional fat since one of their primary principles was that “everything has a value.” So, the fat was there to protect me in some way, and therefore, protection was its value.  I wrote an article titled, “The Value of Being Overweight” based on this finding.  That helped but it didn’t completely solve my current weight problem so I continued my search to find a way to lose it now.

During another request for guidance they told me in answer to my question about how to lose weight that I had to love this fat and once I did the weight would come off.  To this I replied, “Are you insane?  Have you lost your minds or do you even have one to lose?  That has to be the most ridiculous thing you could have ever said!  How can you expect anyone to love being fat?”  Yes, I was a bit upset.  But once again, using the multidimensional principles they had taught me I set about learning to love my 30 lbs. of fat.  “Oh how exciting!”, I thought to myself.  “They might as well have said, ‘learn to love shoveling dog s—t.’” This one was so hard for me that I gave up several times before finally getting it.  They had taught me that love, real love--not the co-dependent version, is a feeling that we express through our behavior.  It is comprised of 4 components, Trust, Kindness, Allowing and Acceptance.  So, if I loved my fat, I would express this feeling by:

Allowing and kindness were the hardest because they went against everything I had been taught about being fat.  So learning to love my fat was a harder job than I imagined and it took me a couple of years to achieve, but I finally got there using the multidimensional principles.  Finally I relaxed, ate sensibly, dressed better and quit obsessing over my weight.  A miracle indeed!  And the weight remained.

During this time we went through a major shift in our lives moving from Los Angeles back to Kansas City in early 2001.  Soon after, I was given another clue in solving the mystery of weight loss.  I had known for some time that the Ego/Inner Child played a role in my weight gain but I did not know exactly how.  My guides had taught me the multidimensional perspective on the Ego/Inner Child and explained that the Ego was the same as the Inner Child, and that once we realized this, we would experience self-love since self-love is the experience of caring for the Ego/Inner Child.  And yes, I wrote an article about that too. It’s titled, “Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?”  Yep, they give ‘em to me and I write ‘em up.  That’s my job.

They also explained that the Ego/Inner Child (or Ego/IC for short) sees him/herself as our physical body. This was a big one!  That meant that every time I looked in the mirror at my plump little body and felt disgust, my Ego/IC experienced that feeling as me being disgusted with her.  They also taught me that the Ego/Inner Child’s sole purpose is survival in the moment at all costs.  That meant that each time I felt disgusted about my weight, my little Ego/IC would take action and do something that would make me feel better in that moment so that I would love her again.  That translated as eating potato chips or some other form of comfort food.  So the more I felt disgusted the more I was impulsed by my Ego/IC to eat to find comfort.  What a vicious cycle!  Because the Ego/Inner Child lives in the moment, the impulse to eat comes right on the heels of my thoughts of disgust!

The final piece of the weight loss puzzle fell into place several months ago after my hysterectomy and subsequent introduction into Natural Hormone Replacement Therapy. Though getting on natural hormones released me from the debilitating effects of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I had had for several years as a result of moving through emotional clearing too quickly, it was not the final answer to losing weight.  Once again, the final piece involved the Ego/Inner Child. This time it was about energy reserves and for the first time this piece did not come from my guides.  I discovered it as part of the natural process of learning to think multidimensionally.

I had written an article, “Facing the Fear of Success,” about the fear of success and using the Energy Account method that my guides had taught me but, I didn’t realize it could also be applied to losing weight.  In that article I discussed energy expenditure as it applied to the Ego/Inner Child.  The Ego/Inner Child needs a certain amount of energy each day to keep the body alive and functioning properly. When we expend too much energy on a daily basis we deplete those levels beyond the critical point.  When that happens the Ego/IC goes into what I call maternity mode.  In maternity mode the IC treats this excessive expenditure of energy as it would a pregnancy.  When women get pregnant they begin to gain weight as a protection against starvation. The Ego/Inner Child feels it is being starved because too much of his/her energy is being given away to others. Usually we do this because we fear that if we don’t give away this energy by “being for them” in some way, we will not be loved and accepted by those to whom we are giving it.  When we give this level of energy we are usually co-dependent and are in some way emotionally and/or physically rescuing (caretaking) someone.  The Ego/Inner Child sees each of these individuals as babies that we are feeding.  In other words, the more people you caretake the more babies you have in the eyes of your Ego/Inner Child. In this caretaking consciousness or mentality the IC will take about 90% of every morsel you put in your mouth and store it as fat.  When you go beyond your energetic limits, the Ego/IC will pull from these storage areas to give you the energy you want to use for others so that you can survive and so that you will still love him/her. By the way, this goes for men as well as women.  The Ego/IC sees no difference between male and female and feeding babies or expending energy.  This also ties into over-working or failure to delegate.

I had to take a good hard look at myself to see where I was still caretaking.  Now those of you who have read my books know that I consider myself the queen of caretakers. No one can rescue others better than me! *chuckle* I quickly came up with a list of people I was still caretaking in one way or another along with several areas of my work where I desperately needed to delegate tasks and responsibilities to others.  Before I go any further let me explain what I mean by caretaking. Caretaking in this context means doing for others something that they can and should do for themselves. Another word for it is enabling. Boy, learning how to not take another’s power by rescuing them is a hard lesson for me.  I was a mother from the age of 6 having to take care of my younger brothers.  I learned early that my parents’ acceptance of me hinged on my ability to keep my younger brothers clean, safe and out of their hair.  The better I did this the more they approved of me.  So love and acceptance were tied to motherhood for me. 

Learning to undo this belief had been a long and difficult journey.  I had to sit down and use another method my guides taught me.  I call it “The Rights/Needs/Limits Method.” In order to stop caretaking/enabling I had to get clear about what my rights as a human, a mother and a woman were, what my needs were based on those rights and what my limits were based on those needs.  I got out 3 sheets of paper and drew a line down the middle of each.  On the left side of the first sheet I wrote, “What are my rights?”  On the other side I wrote, “What rights are not being honored?”  On the second sheet I wrote, “What are my needs and what needs are not being met?”  On the third sheet I wrote, “What are my limits and what limits are not being kept?”  This was a real eye-opener but more importantly, it enabled me to identify where I still gave away my energy to others in order to be loved and accepted. Without this step I could not begin to really take care of my Ego/Inner Child because I didn’t know where or how I was leaking energy so to speak.  Doing this exercise helped me pinpoint where and how.  What a nifty gift from the guides!  It almost made up for that Love answer. *grin*

Once I got clear on where I was still caretaking and then took the step to set limits, I went on to the final step of making agreements.  Agreements, as I have learned are how we tell others what our needs and limits are so that they don’t become hidden expectations.  I’ve made them with my Ego/Inner Child, my husband, my daughter, my friends, my clients and business associates.  Having the agreements enabled me to honor my energetic limits and gain the support of others in doing so.  As I continued to do this I noticed that my body began to respond and drop the additional pounds of fat.  To date I am down to a size 8 from a size 12.  I haven’t exercised in a month due to a broken exercise bike waiting to be repaired, and have been eating junk food most every night without gaining an ounce.  So I guess the guides were right, it isn’t about what you eat, it’s about your emotions and how you energetically handle those emotions.

I’ll continue to exercise and try to eat right but I realize my weight loss or gain will not be affected much by either.  There’s more to this story, more little details that make it all make even more sense but this article is already long enough so I’ll save those for an audio tape.

I hope this article provides some measure of insight, inspiration and relief to all those who are currently overweight.  Loving your Ego/Inner Child…really loving him or her will bring you greater rewards than all the diets, diet pills and hours spent in the gym than you can imagine. For me, discovering this multidimensional knowledge about the Ego/Inner Child was not just a solution to my weight problem, it was another avenue to feeling self–love and therefore, ascension, and isn’t that what we all want?

In Service,
Jelaila Starr
The Nibiruan Council

Additional Reading:

The Value of Being Overweight: http://www.nibiruancouncil.com/html/overweightarticle.html
Facing the Fear of Success:
Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?
Give your Inner Child a Say:
Make your Inner Child your Partner:

About Jelaila Starr
Jelaila Starr is a messenger from the Galactic Federation’s Nibiruan Council.  She is a channel, teacher and author of
We are the Nibiruans and Bridge of Reunion.Through her lectures, workshops, and widely published articles, Jelaila's message has touched the hearts of people around the globe providing hope, inspiration, and understanding.
As a psychic/intuitive counselor, Jelaila works with individuals to assist them with emotional clearing, healing relationships, and DNA Recoding.  Jelaila's unique approach enables her clients to clearly discover who they are, what they came to do and how to achieve it.  Jelaila can be reached at (816) 444-4364.  Email:
Jelaila@NibiruanCouncil.com - Website: www.nibiruancouncil.com

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