Last November I traveled to Kansas City, Missouri and Cedar Rapids, Iowa where I held forums that we have begun to call the Gatherings. Working from the idea that the gathering of the starseeds, walk-ins and lightworkers has begun we decided to begin holding 2 hour discussions where we could all come together to share our insights on what is happening to us individually as well as what is happening within our families and the world around us.
After a successful week of meeting new and old friends and sharing insights I turned my attention to clearing and healing some old wounds with a very special friend that I had left behind when in July 1998 I chose to move from Kansas City to Los Angeles with my new husband Jonathan. This special friend is, my Himalayan cat Raichel Rai.
Just before my departure to Los Angeles, I made the decision to give Raichel Rai into the care of one of my two my former business partners. I felt at the time, being the caretaker that I am, that my husband would not be able to handle two cats in our condominium. So, I chose to keep Biijai, my male Himmy and Raichelís brother and let my little girl go. This was a very difficult and painful decision for me. Once again I was putting someone elseís feelings ahead of my own and giving my child away as a result. My cats are like children to me. And of course, I never discussed this with Jonathan (he had no problem with two cats), I just assumed that due to his allergy to cats, it was the right thing for me to do. Will I ever learn? *sigh*
My agreement with him stated that if at any time he felt he could no longer care for her and therefore needed to give her away that he would notify me first so that I could have first option of getting her back. In the last few months his life has taken many turns and it appeared that he would not be able to take care of her. Once it became clear that he needed to let go of Raichel, our dilemma began. Since it was summer, he would not be able to put her on a plane to Los Angeles because the airlines had heat restrictions in force. This did not seem to be a suitable solution at the time so we tabled the discussion until the end of the summer 2 months away. Jonathan and I both looked forward to having Miss Raichel in our lives again. I missed her so much.
During the intervening two months, he came to the conclusion that he wanted to keep her and rearranged his life to do, but I was still of the frame of mind that she was finally coming home. I had spoken to Jonathan and we both opened our hearts to the idea that she was returning. This meant that we would now have 3 cats instead of one (we had found an abandoned kitten, Samael and took him into our hearts and home soon after we I moved to LA). I had let go of one cat only to acquire anotherÖhmmmmmÖI came to believe that that meant that I was to have 2 cats and that I didnít need to give up Raichel Rai after all.
The old partners change of heart created a big conflict between him and I. After weeks of tears, anger and hurtful words, we realized that neither of us could be objective enough to make the final decision. Eventually we hit about upon the brilliant idea of letting Raichel to make the final decision. This had not occurred to me before. Let the cat decide? Are you serious? But it was the only way that we could end our disagreement, which threatened to destroy our friendship.
On our way to the airport, the last day of our workshop tour in Cedar Rapids, Jonathan and I stopped by his house to see Raichel Rai and find out which of us, he or myself, would be given the honor of having her in our lives. I walked in and saw her standing beside the coffee table. She backed away from me but I reached under the table, gently pulled her out and held her in my arms. As I did, she looked at me with angry eyes and talked to me in her Himmy voice letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was not thrilled with my actions. This took me by surprise. I had not prepared myself or even thought that she would react that way. Somehow I had believed that she would remember me and welcome me into her life again with the same show love and affection I experienced every day for the first year of her life but she had different ideas. With a heavy heart, I gently placed her on the floor and walked away thinking that perhaps she just needs a bit a time to get used to me again. I was not ready to admit defeat and held onto the hope that once she was around me for an hour or so, she would be okay. I went out into the sunroom and joined the others for a glass of tea.
Later, as she was sitting on her favorite chair by the window, I went over and gently began to scratch her chest. She bit me! I couldnít believe it! She had always loved it when I scratched her there before. Thatís when I knew her answer and her answer was no, she wanted to stay here. Raichel Rai had gotten over my abandonment of her and gone on with her life, building her world and her new owners. She clearly had no desire to be a part of my life now. As I looked in her eyes as she stared straight into mine, I understood that she was angry, angry that she never had a say in the matter. Angry that I let her go without even a thought as to what she wanted. In so many ways I had treated her like a human child but when it came to making decisions about our life I never gave her a say in the matter. I made a decision about her life, her future without ever asking her what she wanted. I got the lesson. I never realized how much I had hurt her. I left their house with tears in my eyes. My heart was broken just like hers had been two years before.
As we drove to the airport I began to think of all the times that I made decisions for my inner child without her even having a say. Now I understood why I kept getting blocked. I talk about giving the Inner Child/Ego respect but how respectful is it to make decisions without including them in the process? Raichel had really shown me just how much I had to learn about self-love. I have come to believe that love is a feeling that we express through our actions, therefore, giving my Inner Child/Ego a say in decisions is self-love in action. To not do so negates all the positive loving things we do to build a loving and strong Inner Child relationship. It is much harder to rebuild trust and heal the wounds this act inflicts on a relationship after its been done.
I hope this little story will enable you to learn from my mistake. If you want to build a solid relationship built on a firm foundation of trust, give your Inner Child a say in every decision. Itís the loving thing to do. The Polarity Integration Game
The Nibiruan Council